Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Shyness
Shyness is an emotion characterized by an exaggerated fear of being judged, ridiculed or rejected. People with this problem think that others are looking at their every movement in order to see their flaws and they are obsessively worried about making mistakes and attracting ridicule. The fear of being rejected causes discomfort and stress to the point that they prefer to be alone.
Shy people dread performing in public. Activities such as giving a lecture, speaking in front of class, participating in role-play, and performing music cause distress and anxiety and they may totally avoid these activities in order to escape the emotional pain. They also fear interacting with other people. They feel uncomfortable in the presence of others, especially if they are strangers and superiors in hierarchy such as teachers or bosses. They might have difficulty dating and might cling to unfulfilling relationships for fear of getting to know new people.
Behind shyness lies a profound lack of self-esteem, a disbelief in oneself and an anticipation of failure. There is an unrealistic demand for perfection followed by feelings of guilt and shame when the person thinks that perfection was not achieved. The individual thinks that others are seeing the same negative things he perceives in himself and they are extremely disappointed with him. The rejection he fears from others is an extension of his own rejection. He cannot accept himself so he thinks that others also cannot accept him.
Shy people are extremely worried about pleasing others. The need to feel accepted is so intense that the opposite, i.e. rejection is the worst possible outcome. They not only see rejection everywhere, but also exaggerate or magnify real rejection. As a result, a simple joke is perceived as a mock and positive feedback is taken as an insult or not genuine. In their eyes people are always interested in ridiculing and debasing them.
They dread making mistakes. They see every small mistake as a terrible blunder and they not only anticipate making mistakes but also believe that they will perform poorly. Such fear causes them to be overly sensitized about performing poorly. Everything they say or do seem to be out of context and they can’t help but think that they are a failure.
Fear prevents the individual from performing well, for it brings about what is feared. He or she may stutter, have slips of the tongue, and make small mistakes which cause even more fear. Some somatic symptoms are also a consequence of shyness, such as “palpitations, tremors, sweating, gastrointestinal discomfort, diarrhea, muscle tension and blushing” (American Psychiatric Association, 2000, p. 451). In some cases people may get to the point where they have panic attacks. In order to avoid this discomfort, some individuals steer away from performing in front of others or having social contact with strangers. Although they might escape from the anxiety, they end up not confronting and resolving the real problem.
If you are shy, you may find out which irrational beliefs are causing the fear and replace them with rational beliefs. You may test your beliefs about being ignored, rejected or ridiculed by going to a social gathering and noticing people’s reactions to you. When you test your irrational beliefs against the reality, you’ll realize that the only rejection is your rejection of yourself. If someone really rejects you, learn not to magnify it or make it worse than it is.
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (4th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.
Ashbaugh, A., & Antony, M. M. (2002). Social anxiety disorder. Retrieved October 25, 2008, from http://www.anxietytreatment.ca/socialphobia.htm
Nevid, J. S., Rathus, S. A., & Greene, B. (2006). Abnormal psychology in a changing world (6th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education.
Shy people dread performing in public. Activities such as giving a lecture, speaking in front of class, participating in role-play, and performing music cause distress and anxiety and they may totally avoid these activities in order to escape the emotional pain. They also fear interacting with other people. They feel uncomfortable in the presence of others, especially if they are strangers and superiors in hierarchy such as teachers or bosses. They might have difficulty dating and might cling to unfulfilling relationships for fear of getting to know new people.
Behind shyness lies a profound lack of self-esteem, a disbelief in oneself and an anticipation of failure. There is an unrealistic demand for perfection followed by feelings of guilt and shame when the person thinks that perfection was not achieved. The individual thinks that others are seeing the same negative things he perceives in himself and they are extremely disappointed with him. The rejection he fears from others is an extension of his own rejection. He cannot accept himself so he thinks that others also cannot accept him.
Shy people are extremely worried about pleasing others. The need to feel accepted is so intense that the opposite, i.e. rejection is the worst possible outcome. They not only see rejection everywhere, but also exaggerate or magnify real rejection. As a result, a simple joke is perceived as a mock and positive feedback is taken as an insult or not genuine. In their eyes people are always interested in ridiculing and debasing them.
They dread making mistakes. They see every small mistake as a terrible blunder and they not only anticipate making mistakes but also believe that they will perform poorly. Such fear causes them to be overly sensitized about performing poorly. Everything they say or do seem to be out of context and they can’t help but think that they are a failure.
Fear prevents the individual from performing well, for it brings about what is feared. He or she may stutter, have slips of the tongue, and make small mistakes which cause even more fear. Some somatic symptoms are also a consequence of shyness, such as “palpitations, tremors, sweating, gastrointestinal discomfort, diarrhea, muscle tension and blushing” (American Psychiatric Association, 2000, p. 451). In some cases people may get to the point where they have panic attacks. In order to avoid this discomfort, some individuals steer away from performing in front of others or having social contact with strangers. Although they might escape from the anxiety, they end up not confronting and resolving the real problem.
If you are shy, you may find out which irrational beliefs are causing the fear and replace them with rational beliefs. You may test your beliefs about being ignored, rejected or ridiculed by going to a social gathering and noticing people’s reactions to you. When you test your irrational beliefs against the reality, you’ll realize that the only rejection is your rejection of yourself. If someone really rejects you, learn not to magnify it or make it worse than it is.
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (4th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.
Ashbaugh, A., & Antony, M. M. (2002). Social anxiety disorder. Retrieved October 25, 2008, from http://www.anxietytreatment.ca/socialphobia.htm
Nevid, J. S., Rathus, S. A., & Greene, B. (2006). Abnormal psychology in a changing world (6th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education.
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